Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Feliz Navidad

Merry Christmas or Feliz Navidad to me I guess. I’m sitting in JFK Airport waiting for my flight that leaves in about 4 hours. I was lucky enough to have a friend drop me off door to door service, but earlier than I had hoped. Not that I’m complaining mind you, I am grateful for the lift, the company and not having to pay to park my car. Never in my life have I seen an airport so quiet, but the pigeons seemed to be enjoying it.

Well, it’s been a crazy year, that’s for sure. I’m glad to have the end of this year go out with a bang, so to speak. Though I remain grateful for everyone and everything I have in my life, I am also grateful for the changes that are taking place and proud to be taking the steps that need to happen to ensure these changes.

Ken’s in New Mexico visiting his folks, I’m glad he is amongst people that love him, he deserves that. It was strange saying goodbye to him, really felt like the end of an era, like there is no going back for either of us. Luckily though, we have managed to remain friends and I hope that continues throughout all of this hardship and beyond.

I’m going to Spain!! Exciting and different, that’s the name of 2008 for me. Ch-ch-changes, strange and unusual changes. Wishing everyone, or anyone, who reads this a wonderful Christmas and a very happy New Year!!!

More to come over the next few days.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Where has the past gone.

Today I did something just for me. Years ago my mother had given me a ring from my grandmother (dad's mom). It was too small and although I have always admired it, I never had it sized. Well yesterday I sized it to replace my wedding band on my left hand. I love it!!! There is a sense of peace knowing it is a family heirloom of sorts, not too many things passed through the generations in my family. Sad really, because I know so little about either side, but especially my dad's side.

When did our culture lose it's sense of heritage? Times change, I get that but why do we lose our past? Is it only my life I should be learning from or isn't there something I should be learning from those who came before me? I mean sure, I have learned plenty from listening to and watching my parents, but what about their parents or those before them. I imagine part of who I am has to do with them too, but I don't know how or why.
In my life I have known only one grandparent and she left this world when I was only six years old. I wonder how life would have been different if I had experienced their influence. Who were they? What did they like or dislike? What were their beliefs? These are questions I may never know... well maybe someday.

Monday, December 3, 2007


A simple 2 hour delay, but how it puts a smile on my face. Was feeling good about it all until I fell while carrying a mirror that belonged to my new roommate... shattered everywhere and even broke the frame. Does this mean my bad luck will begin now?... honestly, I'm in no mood for it so I think I will simply reject the entire notion and pay to replace the mirror.
Not much snow on the ground, but a lot of ice on my way to work (10AM) and the trees looked like they were glistening with Christmas tinsel. The sun is shining and it looks and feels like a beautiful day. Wishing I could take Monte to the park today instead of having to go to a meeting... seems like a good day to visit the Hudson and my pup.

New home

December is here, another year come and almost gone. So much has happened and changed in my life this year, I can hardly believe it. I moved in with a friend yesterday, I'll stay here for a while at least. Its nice, I have the attic room finished and cozy. I'm still unpacking and trying to make it feel like my very own. Work keeps me busy as usual and I have been doing a lot of reading, writing and painting again...though not so much this weekend. It snowed today, first time this season.. It was nice to see, but I always like it better when it snows on a school day, feel like a little kid all over again when I get the phone call saying there is a delay or better yet no school at all.

Although it feels good to move on, it's also kind of sad to leave. It's funny, I think this experience has caused both Ken and me to grow, but we continue to grow in different directions. I think we will both be ok, but we have a lot to work out and to work on. The good news is we are both trying, so I think that counts for something. Please feel free to email or call either of us... it helps to know people are supporting.

By the way, I'm taking my first European vacation... Spain from Christmas Eve to New Year's Eve!!
I'm looking forward to enjoying every bit of it.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

My horoscope for 2007


Your sunny disposition will bring harmony into your life this year, resulting in an integration of all that you are becoming. Your love for pleasure and natural beauty will help you recreate yourself. You are dynamically active with lots of friends and group associations, and you love diversity and stimulation.

Guard against taking on too much responsibility this year, otherwise you might end up feeling overloaded. Take care of your personal needs, and maintain your sense of well being. You seek comfort and security, and you'll benefit from periodic retreats and spending time in nature in order to keep positive boundaries. This is a good time to explore your inner character and high standards, and reevaluate what you believe is important.

The passion you feel this year will lead to a powerful relationship you may have never known. Examine your connection to your past and assess how it affects your present-day reality. Since you experience much of your emotion through creative endeavors, it would serve you well to teach, write or share some of the profound insights you've gained through this time of personal transformation.

hmmmmm... interesting huh?

Thursday, November 22, 2007


I am giving thanks to my friends and family who have invited me to spend this Thanksgiving with them, knowing it would be my first holiday apart from Ken in many years. Today I will have dinner out with friends and then stop by to see more friends, no cooking or cleaning for me today and that feels good. Although my world is shifting, it's nice to feel supported. and loved and that is what I am most thankful for.

Sunday, November 18, 2007


Nobody's saying things will be perfect but...
they may get better right?

why do these glow?

Why do these seem to glow?
They are weeds that are always so beautiful to me.

Saturday, November 17, 2007


May the sunshine through and let my dreams come alive!!

Tomorrow is a big day. The wife of the man who wants to but our house is coming to look at it for the first time. She has seen dozens of pictures that he has sent her, but tomorrow she sees for herself all the hard work and labor we have put into this home. My hope is she loves it of course, but also that she will enjoy it more than even I have. Its amazing how much we have done here and how much of ourselves we have put into this place... perhaps that's part of how we lost ourselves and each other. I thought if I ever left this place, I'd never be able to return or visit, but I no longer feel that way. Now, I'd like to see how someone else lives in the place I helped create.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

The boy...

Sitting on a friend's porch enjoying the autumn air when a boy comes out from inside this home. He carries with a man, made of Lego's, all primary colors, feet, a torso, arms and a head with a face drawn on it. He says, "Look, this is my daddy". He is only 7 years young and has met his 'daddy' once, in passing. When the child cries, he cries for 'daddy'. What a sad and angry child. How will he grow up?

I met this boy only a few times, yet he is in my heart. He is like so many of the children I see throughout my days. Sad and angry. The world brings them pain yet they survive. For some survival means simply waking up each morning, for others, successes are more apparent. Those who have the benefit of feeling love, from even just one person in their life who believes in them and teaches them about respect, can survive to be strong.

So many of these children walk through our doors every day, we are there for them. We work hard to teach them and support them in every way we can. They give us strength and make us tired.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

This garden is is moving on...

Autumn Garden

The cherry tree is always the first to drop her shriveled leaves
Littering the yellowing lawn
Her fruit, but a memory of what once was

Sunflowers once smiling tall and bold
hang their heads low from the weight of their dying blooms
saying goodbye to the sweet earth

The once long and slender iris' have given up
their fight with the weeds who
know they have won

As I pull each beauty from the dried soil
little grains of dust pass through my finger tips
reminding me of sand between my toes
and my need to feel earth I have yet to touch.
dlm 10/07

I gave this flower to a friend, but I'm sure it's fine to share it.
It was the last of the giant sunflowers and why it was so small, I do not know.

I think I started with this poem because it was the first day I really knew I would no longer be tending to this garden. My world keeps looking at me with sad eyes and wondering if I will be okay. I know I will be, although I am not sure what my future holds and this can be a little overwhelming, I know I am ready. It's time to end this chapter and begin a new one. I have no regrets about the life I have created for myself. Regrets are for mistakes and mistakes are only made if we don't learn from them, this I truly believe.

Fortune has been my friend... good friends, good family and a good life. Somehow though, I feel the need to experience more. Life rarely turns out how we plan or expect, and who am I to expect anything from a universe that has a greater design? I can not move on from this life I have created angry or with disappointment, although I can not deny those feelings are sometimes there. Instead, I try to look back with pride and fond memories and remember always to learn... no matter how difficult the lessons. Everything happens for a reason even if we can't see it. I know this is true, and try to live by those words. I will be okay world.... don't worry (especially you Dad). I am a strong woman, with a lot to offer this crazy world... and it, has a lot to offer me. The times to come will be another adventure, another learning experience.... because that I believe, is what my life must be about.