Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Bye-Bye Miss American Pie

You can click on the title to listen while you read or just watch the video.

It's been a while since I have written. It's not out of laziness, I have my reasons, but I don't feel like explaining them here.

I have been here for over a year now and a lot has happened in that time. One year ago yesterday was the day my Aunt Ann passed away. It was hard being so far from everyone, but I imagine it was easier in some ways than those who were there comforting one another. With the exception of a few phone calls, I was alone and dealing with it by myself the best I could.

For some reason, as I was laying here reminiscing, I started to think about my Aunt Rae too. I have fond memories of both my mom's sisters, though unfortunately Aunt Rae passed far before her time. I was nineteen at the time. The first memory I have included my Aunt Rae.

I was barely three years old my brother was about three months when my father got the opportunity to go to France for business. He was lucky to be able to take my mom too. Aunt Rae came in from Queens and stayed with John and me in our house out on the eastern end of Long Island. I vividly remember sleeping in my parents bed with Aunt Rae laying next to me. I can still see the AM clock radio playing and the music must have woken me up. The song was by Don McLean, American Pie. I laid in the bed listening to the lyrics about the day the music died in a plane crash and how sad the world was. In my mind he was singing about the day the Mewes' died. Tears rolled down my little cheeks and I remember thinking I should wake my aunt and tell her. I was certain my parents had died in a plane crash and the world was already singing about it. TO a child of that age parents are the most iportant people in the world, so it made sense that a song would be written about them if they died. I am not even sure I knew what it meant "to die" but I knew it was sad, I could tell by the song. I think I decided not to wake her and to tell her the following day.

Anyway, I must have fallen asleep because I don't remember anything else. The whole experience plays kind of like a movie playing and I can see my little self crying next to my sleeping Aunt Rae. As the story goes, the next morning I told Aunt Rae that Mommy and Daddy died and asked if she would stay here with John and me. I guess some how she got me to explain the my thoughts and assured me it wasn't true. I don't know, but needless to say Don McLean wasn't singing about my parents. It wasn't until I was well into my teens that I could hear that song and not get a big lump in my throat and there were many times I cried just by hearing it. Even now it makes me a bit sad, but for reasons unique to me.

I am here, so far away, when I talk to my family and friends and I hear their stories and I feel a bit sad, even when their stories are joyful because I'm not there to be with them. Though too many times there is pain and sadness and mistakes and grief. But it doesn't matter how far you go, it all follows you anyway.But something make me want to stay here and experience what I need to.

Today I tried to pay a bill and I couldn't because I didn't have the proper identification... I don't have the proper ID and I can't get it, not for now anyway. It's annoying and frustrating because it's not like I really want to pay the damn bills anyway. I just want my electricity, water, Internet and so on... so I have to pay just like everyone else. So sometimes even being here is frustrating. But on the other hand, I am having a great time. I have learned so much about myself and the world in the past year that I wouldn't trade it for anything. Everyone keeps asking me when I am coming back and the truth is I don't know... I guess when I am ready.

1 comment:

Patti Gibbons said...

what a funny/bittersweet/sad story.
My Aunt Peg is in the hospital..dying. I hope to see her early this week. My earliest memories have her in them. You have inspired me to write a blog about that.

One day at a time. You are amazing.
Don't forget that. hi to Daniel.