Paz

Aunt Ann & Aunt Rosie (my mom)

Peace.

It's six hours ahead here so I waited most of the afternoon to hear from my mom. Finally at 3:00 I called her and she told me she just got a call from the hospital saying that Aunt Ann's blood pressure was dropping. My mom was staying at a hotel across the street so went right over. Shortly after that Aunt Ann's kids came too, my cousins. They were all with her when she passed away. She was lucky to be amongst people who love her and to have a relatively quick and painless death. No extraordinary measures were taken to save her, as they were told to do so would mean a very poor quality of life for her. If she were to make it at all. I respect, with all my heart, the decisions that my cousins and mom made. Every choice they made was in the best interest of a good life for Aunt Ann. I got the call that she passed when I was at the beach... the only thing I could think to do was swim, which somehow made me feel connected to the part of the world of which I am familiar.

What I will miss the most about Aunt Ann are the stories she would tell about my mom. When my mom was born Aunt Ann was 9 years old. My grandma was on her way to the hospital to give birth to my mom. She told my aunts, Rachel and Ann that she was going to come home with a surprise. Aunt Ann thought my mom would be a puppy... she always teased about how sad she was to this day that my mother wasn't a puppy. Seven years later they lost their mother and five years after that their father. My mom was only twelve. Ann and Rae raised her for the remainder of her "childhood" and did the best they could for her. My mother remains the only sister left of the three, Aunt Rae passed about 20 years ago.... I still miss her... we all do.

I would do anything to be able to hold my mom and cry with her right now. I can only imagine the loneliness she must be feeling. My family is very small, but tight in spirit. most of use don't see each other often and are scattered across the US... mostly the east coast, but my brother is in Colorado and here I am in Spain...

How did I get here again?

Soy

I am or be... no argument here...

I went to the beach with a bunch of kids from school late tonight. I love being near the sea.

We sat and exchanged stories, well they did; tonight I mostly just listened. It was a unique mixture of people non-native and native English speaking people with little in common besides a few weeks together in Valencia and our love for good company and wine. We enjoyed each other and it was nice. At midnight, the fireworks started. I felt comforted to be amongst people this week as last Saturday's display began with the bus fiasco. I did take a few walks by myself along the beach to put my feet in the water. It felt so good.. Some how feeling the water on my feet and the moon in the sky helps me feel connected to what I need. I wondered if my mom noticed last night's moon. It was huge in the sky here... all very grounding.

I wait to hear from my mother or cousins so that I know what's going on. I have a US phone number here now. If you are interested in calling send me an email and I will give the number, I can only make calls from my computer, but can receive them on my cell phone.

Being there...

No worries... so I cried a bit, I am only human after all. I was feeling fine and optimistic the very next day.

Today I went to the Oceanogriafco (Aquarium). When I got home I found out that my Aunt Ann had a massive heart attack the night before and a stroke this morning. She is not doing well at all. My mother is driving up to North Carolina to be with her and cousins. I am so sad not to be there, I would love to be able to say good-bye to her. Luckily, our last correspondence was rather recent and in it she told me how proud she is of me and how much respect she has for me. I wrote back that I love her. The hardest part is not being there for my mom and cousins. I wish I could do that. I can't believe I am not there and part of me wants to jump on the next flight out.... I must always continue to find strength within myself.

A friend of mine passed away this week too after a long battle with cancer. She's at peace. It's strange to think I won't be attending her services either.

Another lesson learned...

There are times when being here is so overwhelming and lonely. Class today sucked… I felt like I wanted to burst into tears. I didn’t understand what the hell my teacher was talking about and it was very frustrating. In the end, he apologized because I was not the only feeling confused. It scared me a lot though. There are moments when I think I am trying to do too much at once and fear I can’t handle it. Most of the time I feel quite confident but today is not one of those days… today I just feel like crying and I want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok… but there is no one so I only l can comfort myself. How lucky I was to be writing this when suddenly a friend calls and reminds me I am not all alone, and that things will be ok... Timing is everything.

Things here are good but mentally exhausting. When everything is in a different language my mind has to work in ways it never has before and think in a whole new way. It's good, but tiring sometimes. Today was really tough at school, I came home and vented and cried for a bit then picked myself up and got back on the Metro heading for a previously scheduled private lesson with a different teacher. She spoke almost entirely in Spanish to me the whole time and when I didn't understand she explained without speaking English. In my class, we all say the English word for something when we realize what he means... anyway it was different to be in class alone.

When I left my lesson, it was 5:45 and raining but I had planned on walking home in the rain anyway, until I saw the Cine.... There were about 10 movies playing and guess which one I just had to see. Sexo en Nueve York!!! LOL... yes... it was dubbed so all I heard was español. I'm sure I didn't get all of it... but it wasn't exactly what I would call a "thick plot"... it was a good a experience good me. I listened to the pronunciation and caught words I recognized and knew the meaning of and others that I recognized but couldn't remember what they meant. I felt a lot better afterward. I walked home a different way again and didn't get lost for more than a block or two before I could figure out where I was. It's hard because the street names are so unfamilar seeing how they are foreign and all..lol...

Anyway, across the street from my home there is a place called Don Carlo Comida Italiana. They are hardly ever open (due to strange Siesta hours) but, I caught them when I was so hungry so I stopped and got a small pie. It was delicious... but someone fried an egg in the middle of it!!! Strange addition to what I am used to.

At the end of the day I broke out my inks and played with my colors for a while... it felt good too.

Cociné

I cooked... yes it's true, a whole meal in fact. I was inspired by last night's party. I went to a classmates a 22 year old British boy who decided he was going to have a barby The sweet man, Stevie, bought a bbq, toms of meat and invited everyone in class to come over for some festivities. Poor Stevie didn't have a clue how to get the bbq going and when he finally gave up, Vince and I helped... Who is Vince? Another classmate, age 24, attends Oxford Univ. law school, sweet as pie and totally gay.... I think I might totally love him. Anyway Vince and I decided to help Stevie out and took over the kitchen a bit. I enjoyed it so much I was inspired to cook tonight.

In case you are wondering why this might be a momentus occasion for me, it's because when I decided to stop being a wife, I also gave up on the kitchen and pretty much all groceries too. I had been eating at friend's houses, going out to eat or completely skipping meals all together. I didn't mind really, but today I felt like preparing a meal. I went out and bout fish, potatoes and asparagus. I spiced it up and browned the potatoes then put it all in a ceramic paella dish that came with my apartment. It was delicious!! Once again, I feel certain I haven't lost my touch in the kitchen from lack of practice. I used to love to cook; especially for other people... maybe I will find that love again. Wither way I can say with complete certainty that the food I eat here feels better for and tastes delicious. However my Serb sisters want to know what kind of American I am if I never go to McDonalds???

I forgot to mention it was the first time I ever cooked fish that still had it's face on.... it's funny I always get filets or steaks but today I decided to go for it and cooked two whole fish!

Jajajaja

Roughly translated, that's Spanish for hahahaha... lol

Ok so last night I decided I wanted to go see fireworks at the beach. From my house to the beach is simple, walk 3 blocks, catch tram, stay on tram for 10 minutes, get off and walk one block to beach. I have done this many times to enjoy a beautiful sunny day (which every day so far has been). Last night shouldn't be any different...but...

I get to the tram station and I was trying to read to find out what time the last tram was. Suddenly a bus pulls up and all the people at the station get on it. When I say pulls up I mean right on the tram track. I was confused about that, but the guy who worked on the bus kept yelling at me to get on, he was laughing and smiling and there were at least 50 people on the bus so I thought...ok. and I got on the bus. I was the last one on so I stood with the 3 workers one of which was driving, the other two were screaming to him which direction to turn.

Ever watch the Simpsons when they had that dog named Santa's Little Helper? The dog would listen to the humans and it would sound like blah, blah, blah, treat, blah, blah, blah, sit... That's how I felt last night. These guys were laughing their asses off trying to figure out how to get around the repairs of the tramline... I heard blah, blah, derecha, blah, blah, directo, blah, blah... etc. I still wasn't too sure about what was happening but I kinda got the idea when I saw the actual construction on the tramline. Then boooom... the bus gets a flat tire. They stop and try to fix it, but decided not to bother. We keep going and the driver is getting angry because, it seemed the stearing wheel was pulling to the right. So we stop again... everybody gets off the bus, so do I, two minutes later everyone gets back on the bus and so do I. Then it hits me, how will I get home?!?!?! So I ask best I can if the tram will be running later. "No"... the autobus? "No" Metro... "No metro here" ahhhh ok, taxi? "Sí". Muchos grasias por su ayuda!!! (thanks a lot for your help).

Eventually we made it to the beach, everyone on the bus was singing and having a good time. Wow did I feel like a foreigner, such a strange feeling. I mean I know I am, I feel it everyday, but last night I felt like a stupid foreigner... hmmmm? Anyway I decided to go enjoy the fireworks but to leave early to be sure I would catch a cab. I saw the display and it was beautiful, amongst the best I have ever seen and I made it home safely via a taxi. So I guess it's safe to say my mission was accomplished, but not as smoothly as I might have liked.

Today I must have walked about 10 miles. Sunday is free museum day in Valenica. We went to el Museo de Bella Artes. Gorgeous!! We also walked around the east western side of the city and walked through many streets and neighborhoods I hadn't seem before. It was a nice mellow day, I used my dictionary some to try to decipher but it was kind of nice to take a break from the studying. When I came home I studied a bunch of vocabulary and felt ok about it. Monday I will ask my teacher for extra help with conjugating verbs. We started future and past tense and I am sill trying to understand present uses... ahhhhh.

Olé

I'm doing it... the ultimate Spanish experience, or at least one of them... no I don't mean un hombre! ¡I mean Corrida de Toros! We got our tickets yesterday and are all excited but a bit nervous about seeing in, but certainly this is one those, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" moments. There is a link that explains all about it if you click on the title of the post. The morning the tickets went on sale there were about a hundred people sitting waiting to purchase the tickets They divide the ticket prices in two ways. First, how close you are to the ring and second, whether or not you are in the shade. The shaded seats being more expensive and also sold out. We will sit in the sun and pretty far away, but somehow I think it will still be very engaging... to say the very least. The Spaniards are such a passionate people, I can only imagine this will be an unforgettable experience.

For now, I will get ready to spend the day at the beach and relax while doing some studying. Also I guess my school is having a fútbal game with some staff and students... participation is optional and it's all at the beach so I think I will go and watch that for a while as I sit and soak up the hot summer sun.

My Internet is working now but it is not the wireless.

etc, etc, etc....

It occurred to me today that it has been one week since I left NY and I think I have only posted one blog. I have been so busy as it seems almost every move requires more effort that at home. Not having a car has been great. I love the walking. I have strolled home from downtown through several different areas and I think I found my favorite way today, at least so far. The walk from my home from school (mí casa de escuela) is about 2 miles or 3 km. Today’s walk took me only a few blocks out of the way, but it was just lovely. I walked down one avenue that had a park down the middle of it, and then made a left in to another park that goes all the way around most of the city, then yet another park just a few blocks from home. It gave me a sense of nature to see the trees, flowers, bushes and birds. The parks always seem a few degrees cooler than the streets too. The heat hasn’t bothered me at all, in fact the morning I woke up feeling chilled.

After the walk Erin and I came home, made lunch and went to the beach. The beach is only a tram ride away which we pick up just around the corner. It never seems to be too packed though I hear I may feel differently in August. About half the women there are topless which feels so liberating. Though today as we were laying out this little boy, 7 maybe, kept passing buy saying something about tetas (sp) lol… I wasn’t sure exactly what he was saying but he was pointing at me so…. ?¿?¿?

School is intensive, five days a week, four hours a day… I love it. I feel like my brain is constantly sponging information. Whether reading, listening, or trying to speak. I am constantly trying to decipher information. It’s exhausting, but in an inspiring kind of way. Each day I can understand more. I have been able to ask for directions, order food, ask for band-aides (for my blistered feet) and point out nouns as I see them… sounds funny but I am almost constantly with book in hand trying to understand something as simple as an advertisement on the street.

Mí profesor is great. He is patient with a great sense of humor. What can be better? My class, at the moment, has a few people from England, the Netherlands, Serbia (my flat mate) and I think a German lady that is very afraid to speak at all. It’s a nice mix of people of all different ages and backgrounds… I don’t think I am the oldest in the class and if I am it doesn’t matter… I thought it might, but I just don’t care.

Getting used to the schedule here is not easy. People go to work later for the most part and then practically the whole city closes in the afternoon only to open again in what we would call early evening. No happy hour... lol… or maybe happy hour all day. Most of the time we can find someplace to sit and have a café con leche o cervesa. Sundays are dead… nada…it’s almost funny, but definitely foreign, but than again it is all foreign… I love it!!

I’m dying for my Internet service to be turned on which should happen in the next couple of days. Then I will be able to post more, reply to emails, use skype, research apartments, jobs, use the “yellow pages”, etc, etc, etc. Until then I wait patiently and enjoy the freedom of few attachments and commitments.

Until then, I miss all who are not here… wait, that’s pretty much everyone I know… wow!! Keep sending good thoughts but know I am safe and happy.

Besos

The envelope please...

El hombre de Barcelona gave me an envelope when I was in NYC, I was told to wait until I was on the plane to open it. I waited until I was over the Atlantic because with all the excitement it wasn't the first thing on my mind. Within the envelope made of handmade paper, were two sheets of handmade paper; one very rough and the other with leaves embedded in it. The third piece of paper is a picture of a rainbow, a tree and a road seemingly to no leading to no where (or maybe somewhere). On that paper included the following text....

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more the once and it's harder each time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you have never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Dont be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid it will never begin.

Send this to all of your friends in the next 5 minutes and a miracle will happen.

I send it to all of you... but in a little longer than a minute.. but miracles are already happening.

PS... the interview was interesting, nice guy, seemingly nice business, we will talk again.

Greetings from Valencia

Ahhh... alas I manage to get onto the Internet from my new home. I am sneaking on someone else's network, but I don't mind.... hope they don't either.

So far everything has been going pretty smoothly. My new house-mates are fantastic. Two sisters from Serbia. They are beautiful, intelligent and very easy going. We get along very well and are able to help each other out. Since I have been here before I know a little bit about where I am going. I also have been studying the map of Valencia and thankfully inherited my father's keen sense of direction so I have some sense of where things are and what to look for.

Jasmina is somewhat fluent in Spanish, so she explains some of the unfamilar words to us and they are both grateful to have any help in English they need. They may argue it, but their English is very good, certainly better than my Serbian... but that isn't saying much.

Early in the evening we explored some of the city and found ourselves somewhat lost, but luckily the when you ask for directions...¿Donde esta? the Spanish speak with a lot of hand movements ... very dramatic and so we could figure out what they were saying for the most part... bit of a challenge but not too scary with company.

Last night Jelena and I stayed up until 4AM talking about our home countries, traditions, educational systems, geography and whatever else we could think of. Finally, though I could have spoken to her for hours longer, we had to force ourselves to go to sleep.

Today we registered for school and got a schedule. The girls went to the beach and I went to the American Consolate, though they were closed, I discovered it is only a few short blocks from school and will go back on Monday. I guess I am supposed to let them know I am here. Afterward, I walked around a bit then enjoyed cafe con leche y tortilla (Spanish egg pie... kinda like a quiche but different) in a nice outdoor cafe, of which there are many.

This evening I have an interview for an ESL position. WOW!!! Guess sending CV's in advance was a good idea. I also spoke to the property management company about and apartment and we will meet in about a week or so to try to find a more suitable place to live in the long term. This place is great, but a little out of the way for a semi-permanent home, also it is much too big for just me. It's about 2 miles from the center of town.

As I walk around I can not believe my eyes. The history is so deep and apparent, I want to learn more and more. There are several parks near my home. Both have bike and rollerskating paths and are just lovely. One park goes around almost the entire city making biking to almost anyplace easy and safe. Soon I will get myself a nice bike with baskets and happily get myself from one place to the next. The Metro system seems very handy as well, though I haven't attempted yet because the walking feels good in spite of the blisters on my feet.

The weather is perfect so far, not too hot at all and there is almost always a cool breeze blowing from the sea. I haven't been to the sea yet either but plan to venture there tomorrow. I can't wait to just kick back and relax until I get so warm that I have to jump in the water. I want to feel the sand between my toes.

I will try to keep posting as much as possible... soon I will even post some pictures, but I haven't time for that right now as I must prepare for a job interview. Yikes... I haven't been interviewed in years, suddenly I am feeling a bit nervous. They say the first few interviews are good practice so if this doesn't work out, than I will simply learn from the experience and go for another one. It's all about the learning...